days run together and i would like that to stop. reflection is impossible no matter how much i try to know what i'm feeling. just go.do.end. that's how i see it. thursday i went to see a fabulous play called far east. yea for asian people. highlight: half naked muscle drummer boy. i came home and realized it didn't want me there. the mullet had changed the locks and hadn't given me a key. the doors were locked. i spent the night at emily's house and the mullet reported me to the police as a runaway.i had to talk to a social worker. the next day i went home to change and the mullet screamed threats at me as i walked down the driveway. reallyreallyintense. i went to see my old high school perform secret garden. so amazing i cried. more then once. even sally honestly loved it. rare. i am so proud of my friends. they have grown up. le sigh. good times good show. i spent the night at sarah's slumber party style. the mullet reported me as a runaway again. i spent most of the next day with andrew and emily. until the mullet started calling emily's mom. colleen is the best:
" i have my own fucking drama i don't need yours."
but she kept calling with the same empty threats so i went home to the house that doesn't want me.emily and andrew drove me and i thought it would be the last time i wuld see them. my heart broke and i've misplaced the pieces. lots of tears. parting in bitter sorrow. i packed my bags and called the 24 hour hotline the social worker gave me. i was going to go to orangewood. and although the mullet keeps telling me she doesn't want me here, she told the social worker on the phone several lies. after that attempt to leave was squandered the mullet came to my room. she asked several versions of why. bitch. fucking leave. the things i said couldn't have been hateful enough.
"i wish i believed in hell because then i'd have the comfort of knowing you're going there." she said my grandma wasn't wiling to take me in. i said she was a liar. i called my grandma and i was right.
exhausted. i called sally and off we went. the mullet tried to stop me. yeah, like that would happen. we had dinner discussed life and it was back to the house that hates. i was called into work at 5:50am and i went. after work i went back to the house on bitch hill and stayed there for a while. sleep.shower.read.paint toenails and off again. with andrew. so glad to see his face. warm fuzzy comfort. didn't want to let go. sigh. chilled at his house for a while in heels and thigh high boots. then off to emily's...off to the spectrum...off to huntington beach to visit gram. it's not delivery. asian bitch lady that rents a room complained about max barking and we watched the british parliment in session and andrew sat like a heterosexual and on to indiana jones and the last crusade. then bye bye love. we talked about batman the entire drive back. return to house of horrors. walked past the mullet and into my room for delicious slumber at last.
and here i am now, without a clue as to what to do next.